Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
