Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so explain again why im purple
no
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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