final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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