So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
