I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
