My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found puke in my bra..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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