Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
look no pants
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
