she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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