She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
