epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
