I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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