I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize