gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
