I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
