My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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