shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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