I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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