she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have already put on my inside pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
