i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
