apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
home. puking in laundry basket.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
