1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
