I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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