OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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