Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
