ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
