It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
