I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
