Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
