Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
