My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
