babies were throwing up all over the place
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
