I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Your tits are I can't wait for
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
