I just cut my nipple shaving
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
