I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
