They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize