just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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