Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
