3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
