I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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