she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
