this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
