You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
