i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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