Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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