I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize