Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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