I just saw a hot homeless man
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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