They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
