my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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