Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She bit a glass in half.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
