Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
