if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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