pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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