so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
