another moral hangover. fuck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize