Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
