have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
