The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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