We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
