Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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