i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
