Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
