Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize