My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
