went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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