My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
