I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
