So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
