Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
