Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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