I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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