happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
