idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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