It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize