apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I deserve to be covered in dicks
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
