well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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