I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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