ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
