it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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