Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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