Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
then he tried to convert me to islam
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
