I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
