I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
