Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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