Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
