There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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