and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
