I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
