i need an iv and a liver transplant
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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