I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
