We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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